What I don’t want

I read this ad on craigslist today. (I know, I told myself I wouldn’t read those ads anymore! It’s pre-exercise procrastination!) This woman’s ad is deliciously acerbic. (Yes, I read the women’s ads too!)

Reply to: anonymous
Date: 2005-02-17, 7:40AM PST

I have written an ad on Craigslist before. I realize now I was not specific enough about what I DON’T so here it is. (Please don’t get your feelings hurt if you don’t fit the criteria—there’s someone for everyone!)

What I don’t want.

If you are over 35, this is not the personal ad for you. . Even if you “look young for your age.” Or people “mistake you for younger.” Also if you are under 24 I am not looking for a younger man , even if you “act mature beyond your years.” No thanks.

If you still live at home, are just down on your luck, are waiting for such and such break, —maybe Godot, or even if your new band is really going to take off soon,—I don’t want to hear it. I can’t date who you plan to be. I stopped banking on someone’s potential a long time ago.

Judgmental? Lazy? Jealous? If you are not nice I am not interested. I want someone who is a good person, even when no one is looking.

If you are ugly I probably won’t be attracted to you. I am good looking, and ugly doesn’t really go with goodlooking;) Or really short, I am not short, so it just wouldn’t work out if I wore high heels. . I like guys who are good looking and tall—if you are questioning whether you are good looking or tall —you probably aren’t.. If people look away when you smile that is not a good sign either.

If the last time you were at the gym was sometime in the Clinton Admin we will not mesh. If your idea of working out is switching the channel a couple of times on a Sunday, every Sunday I won’t waste my time with you. I am looking for someone who can keep up with me in outdoor…. and INDOOR sports.

If you are in recovery I can’t deal with it. Attending weekly meetings for your addiction? If after your name you say I am a oholic anything move on… I applaud your effort for getting your life together —-but I am not looking to date you.

Dependency is so unappealing. Take anything to make you happy daily? Is your mood enhanced by one of the many doctor prescribed meds? You are not for me. I am a firm believer that life is full of ups and downs—you take both—and when you are down, do something you love, get out and move. Dependency is so unappealing.

If you have no friends or hobbies. Passionless people bore me, what will we talk about if you have nothing going on???

So that is what I want. Let’s meet for a drink and see if I am what you want.
Pic for Pic.
I look forward to reading the three emails I will receive.

Ahhh… that feels good.

Funny line

Funniest line I’ve read on a match.com profile so far:

I just finished a book that was 475 pages long. That may not seem like a big accomplishment but that’s alot of coloring!

Happy V-Day!

I’ve been waiting and waiting to write this post! Happy Valentine’s Day!! I woke up happy this morning, it must be all the love in the air.

I went to the Vagina Monologues for the first time on Wednesday. It was so good I wanted to go back again on Friday! My best friend where I live is a boy, so I was surprised and reminded of girl energy at the show. In college I often had one main male in my life and was surrounded, inbounded with lots of women. I loved all that female energy. I helped to start a feminist group at my small town college, where it was a pretty radical group to be in.

The show was just a montage of women’s real life interviews about their Vaginas! Pretty simple format and unusual topic. When I told my guy friend about it, he assumed it was about sex. No, it was about vaginas, front and center, with all vagina activities and interests, including sex, on the periphery. The thing I realized after the show is that there is a lot of talk about penises. There are many shared cultural images and there is shared knowledge. Just think of all the urinal scenes in movies, all the ball bashing scenes that inspire a collective ”ooohh!” Some men think of their penis as their other head, some name their penis. We know a lot of about the life and times of the penis. The vagina? Not so much.

That is what made the show so interesting. Because there isn’t a lot of shared cultural metaphors about vaginas, all the women’s vagina metaphors and images were soooo unique. How they thought about their vaginas was unique and surprising, but their experiences elicited understanding nods, laughs and groans from the audience. It was a great, interesting, entertaining show. But the most amazing part is how I felt when I left. It brings tears to my eyes just typing it. And again I’m surprised and bemused by my strong reaction. I felt so good, and happy and proud. And yes, I did have to have my own mirror episode a few days later when I got home. Yep, just like I remembered it!

I had a confusing and often painful childhood. And yet, somehow I came into adulthood with healthy and wholesome attitudes about my body, vagina included. My mom, along with all her bad mothering, did do some positive things. I’ve been remembering with gratitude that my mother taught me how to clean myself, and answered my questions honestly and always seemed to revel in her own body. As if it was good to be a woman!

Wow, this a pretty darn honest post. I hope you find healing from other people’s stories, like I do. If so, check out the Vagina Monologues which is really a fund raiser to promote kindness (stop violence) towards women. Start with yourself. A related site is Men against Rape, which again I’d like to rename in the positive, Men promoting REAL masculinity and respect towards women.

Happy V-Day all ya’ll!

Holy cuteness, Batman!

This has got to be one of the cutest ways to say Happy Valentine’s Day EVER. That French Toast Girl is so creative.

Hallelujah!

No blogger registration needed to comment non-anonymously anymore! I know that is what has been stopping my masses of readers from commenting as frequently as they would like. So, faithful (and non-faithfu) blog visitors, start your comments!! Free at last, free at last, thank blogger for doing it rightly, we are free at last! (Hey, it’s Sunday. I can’t help it.) So, what are you still reading this for? Get typing!

The Tortoise and the Hippo

“Mom, I want to be just like you.”

Owen, the baby hippo was lost and probably orphaned during the Tsunami. He met Mzee, a 100 yr old Tortoise, at a wildlife sanctuary and now he follows it around like it is his mom. Ahhh… It’s all over the internet and according to Snopes, it’s true.

Bereaved by the forces of nature and discovered by wildlife rangers near certain death in the Indian Ocean off Malindi, the one-year-old male hippo calf dubbed Owen was on 27 December 2004 placed in Haller Park, a wildlife sanctuary in the coastal city of Mombassa, Kenya.

As soon as he was placed in his enclosure, the orphaned youngster immediately ran to the tortoise also housed in that space. The 100 year-old tortoise named Mzee (Swahili for “old man”) was not immediately taken with the brash newcomer — he turned and hissed, forcing the hippo to back away. Yet within days, the pair had forged a friendship, and now eat and sleep together. Owen has even been seen to lick the tortoise, whom he regards as his new mother.

Mom, wait up!

Paula Kahumbu, an ecologist, is quoted in a widely circulated article about the pair:

It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very happy with being a ‘mother.’ The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it follows its mother. If somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive, as if protecting its biological mother.

The hippo is a young baby, he was left at a very tender age and by nature, hippos are social animals that like to stay with their mothers for four years.

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Movies, mortality

I don’t know why I am so interested in seeing good movies right now. Here is the intro to Ebert’s year of movies. He talks about the solace of watching movies during a time of illness. I have felt my mortality for awhile and am feeling it more keenly all the time. I seem very aware that I’m on limited time. Are you?

Million Dollar Baby (spoiler within)

WARNING- do not read any further if you haven’t seen the movie! This will totally spoil it for you!
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Here is Ebert’s review. On the side there are other interesting articles listed.

Lot’s of people disagree with what Clint’s character did, but I don’t. If I am ever paralyzed and so desperate to die that I bite through my tongue twice, I hope someone will have mercy on me and let me go. Most people would be at least that compassionate to an old dog who can’t even say if it wants to die or not. I can’t imagine the horror of wanting to die and being trapped against your will because you can’t physically move. On the other hand, I don’t know if I could kill someone, even if the person was someone who I loved very much and desperately needed my help to die. When my great-grandma was alive, mentally sharp, but longing to go, I wondered what I would do if she asked me to help her die. I would shrink from the physical act of taking life from someone and the prospect of future, sickening inner turmoil. I don’t think I could do that, and I consider that a weakness. I think Maggie’s trainer showed a courageous, self-sacrificing love.