Maybe you’ll understand why this is the blog of the day after I tell about one of my favorite birthday cards. (This is better if you’re more than in just a bad mood and to the point of thinking everything in your life really sucks, but are feeling too apathetic to even think about killing yourself.) Ok, front of card: “I heard you’re feeling a little down about your birthday…”
Inside of card: “It’s not because life is a ceaseless, nightmarish hell from which none ever escape is it?”

Makes me laugh every time. If you think that’s funny, you’ll probably like Something Awful too. I reccomend the anti-drug messages.


The blog of the day is the New MexiKen. I wondered there via a google search. Although he did not have what I was looking for, his blog was interesting enough for me to read for about a half hour. It’s mostly quotes from other sources, through which you can see his interests and point of view.

I’ve stuck to the letter, but not the spirit of my cleanse today. Eating food like rice chips with no trans fat and chocolate soy milk with no sugar. Basically a more expensive health food store version of a junky diet. That’s all I want to say about it. I’ll be more enthusiastic tomorrow and I’ll tell you how my new weight-lifting exercise video is.

Today for exercise I ran up and down an animal park. It counts! I was rained on!

Some thoughts about gratitude

December 29, 2004

Ok, I’ve been doing research on my enjoy the moment vrs accomplish goals dilemma. I was reading Attitudes of Gratitude by MJ Ryan and was skimming the chapters titles and got to “Appreciate your kids just as they are.” Yeah, I know that concept. I love those parents who just enjoy their kids. Those kids are so free to be themselves and just glow with that security of being loved for themselves. Of being, “this very child.”

Some things are hard to explain until you get the feel of them, and that is one pattern that I have the feel of. So, I was thinking, oh yeah, appreciate your kids just as they are- that is right on, that is true. You can enjoy your kids just as they are with no worries, they will change and grow all on their own. Then I thought, you know I could apply this idea of just appreciating and enjoying to everything I can’t control- PEOPLE! So, that makes it simple. Then I thought of applying the idea to myself, it felt heretical. I looked up “appreciating myself” on the internet and had the interesting sensation of being naughty. I actually glanced over my shoulder as I sat at the computer.

I’ve decided to take a bold, adventurous risk and appreciate myself just as I am now. I’ve also been noticing and recounting to myself what I am grateful for during my day.

Benefits so far: I’ve been appreciating people for who they are and, ironically, seeing more realistically who they are in the present moment. I’ve found that to have gratitude, I have to notice, and that is very grounding.

Some appreciating myself and gratitude sites: Self appreciation as character training, self-esteem game , gratitude as mindfulness.

Do you like my new do?

December 29, 2004

Its very late and I’m up making template changes and adding new features to my blog. I added blogrolling and a book list. I would love to add archiving by topic, but haven’t found instructions on how to do this yet. Do you know how?

The template changes take me a long time because I don’t know this code by heart. I look through it, make a few changes and then test it out to see if it did what I thought it would do. I really like this new template I’m using, although there are still some changes I want to make. I’m using a basic blogger template and I took out the picture of the light house and white lines which framed the blog. I wanted a simple template, yet I really love the sweet and pretty decorative touch of the dividers between the posts.

The next thing I’d like to do is to move my sidebar up to be even with the main posts, now that the building is out of the way.

Cleanse, Day 3

December 28, 2004

Well, the day has just begun and I’m not running because its raining. I haven’t called the colonic lady back yet and now I’m wondering if I should call my mom and say, “Don’t do it!” I just read my friend Laura’s thoughts about cleansing with links to dire warnings about colonics at Starling Fitness.

I’m sure there is a truth to be found in the mix of different reports from established and alternative medical ideas. I’ve found several alternative therapies that do work, although I often doubt the reason they work is the reported one.

Bowel movements- it’s not a pretty topic, but it’s at the crux of the cleanse issue. I have to side with the alternative practitioners on this one. The medical community says there is a range of normal and that it’s ok to have a bowel movement every couple days. Eww! The alternative practioners say that a very healthy person should have a bowel movement after each meal. I agree that that is a sign of health. MD’s seem like they are constantly trying to calm an anxious and hypochondriacal public, “Don’t worry, that doesn’t signal a disease!” Alternative medical people are like the Cassandras of our day. “Mucoid plauque will be your downfall. Cleanse yourself!”

Since reading Laura’s post and email to me, I’ve been thinking about why I like to do cleanses. I know that a balanced diet is healthy and that weird concoctions are not required. But I like weird concoctions! If I had lived in olden times I would probably have been a witch, stirring up bits of this and that and seeing what they do. It’s funny, because I love science and the scientific method, maybe weird concoctions seem like a more earthy and less controlled science experiment. I understand the alternative practitioners fascination with little bits of this and little bits of that. I don’t know what it means about our personalities! The truth is, part of the reason I want to do a colonic is, I want to see what comes out of the tube!

I used to take very long baths as a child and I would gather up different items from the kitchen and bathroom cupboard and pour them into the bathtub with the water to see what it would do to me. I was right in the middle of my own experiment and I thought it was great fun, like a little scientific witch.

Cleanse, Day 2

December 28, 2004

Last night I rebelled and ate fries, onion rings and drank hot chocolate. It was at Denny’s, which is the pit of trans fat. Today I ate only cleanse approved foods, but didn’t eat much because I haven’t gone grocery shopping since cleaning out my fridge.


Exercise: The Firm, tough tape 2, 8lb squats.


Good things: My new firm exercise tape came in the mail! Yay! Also my 20 questions about fitness video tape came and I folded my Christmas letters while I watched it. It was motivating, but didn’t pack the punch it did the first time I saw it.

A Dubious Goal

December 26, 2004

Right now I’m in the mood to see a movie, and I’m about to go see one. So this idea for a goal is probably just based on my current mood. I think I would like to see Roger Ebert’s list of 100 great movies. (Here’s his book.) Then, (always thinking about how I can incorporate something into my blog,) I can blog about it! We’ll see. It may happen. I need to figure out how to archive my posts by topic.

Cleanse, Day 1

December 26, 2004

(This is the sort of topic that makes me wish that this blog was completely anonymous. To all those who know me, sorry if this grosses you out! Just skip these entries!)

My mom is good for many things. One thing that she will do with me, that is hard to find, is weird diets. We have eaten strange conncoctions, drunk homemade herbal teas and fasted for days together. So, when I got a yen to do a cleanse I called her. We just spoke and to give you an idea of what a rare commoditiy she is in a dieting partner, I will relay this short snippet of our conversation. Me: “Ok, so it will be a pretty simple cleanse, and the only other thing is, I was thinking that at the beginning and the end of our cleanse we could do a colonic.” Her: “Oh, that sounds nice.”

I’ve done very odd cleanses that involved precise timing and rare ingredients, but this is our simple homemade version. We are going to do a three week long cleanse, cutting out beef, pork, flour, dairy, sugar and trans fats. We can eat any vegis, fruits, poultry and seafood that we want. (Crap, I just realized that no dairy means no butter.) We are going to add two “P and B shakes” daily; that is one Tablespoon of liquid bentonite and one teaspoon of psyllium husks. We’re going to do one colonic in the begining and one at the end. (I’ve never done one before, I’ll let you know how it goes.) At the end of our cleanse we will only have two days of traditional cleanse weirdness when we do a liquid fast and drink a strange, tightly-timed concoction meant to promote liver cleansing.

Hoped for benefits: Mostly I just feel in need of a general spring cleaning. During the last part of Fall semester I was eating a lot of frozen dinners and canned food. Blech! I want my skin to clear up, I want to lose weight and I want some break in my routine to help me get into healthier eating and exercise habits. I’m blogging it to keep me motivated. Wish me luck!

People Finder- kind of creepy

December 26, 2004

Propelled by my Christmas/Holiday letter, I’ve been searching for addresses of my favorite people that I’ve lost touch with. I was thrilled to discover the name of an old friend from Michigan who might be living in California.

I’ve also discovered that these people finder services are kind of creepy. I found myself- the only person listed with my name, thank you very much. For only $30 I can find out any property I own, all the places I’ve lived, any marriages and divorces I’ve had and my credit report. The truly shudder inducing moment was when I saw that for a small additional fee, I can buy SATELITE SURVEYLANCE photos of people. What the hell!?!