Wow, Ebert says it’s Aishwarya Rai. I don’t see it. I think Michelle Pheifer in her glory days was more beautiful, and then there’s the woman I most wanted to look like (when I wasted my time wishing I looked like someone else:) that French Victoria’s Secret model Laetitia Casta.

Aishwarya has that classic, grown-up, generic mom beauty of Elizabeth Taylor and Catherine Zeta-Jones. (Catherine Z. is quite a stunningly classical beauty, I have to admit.) Laititia Casta has bow lips, like babies do. I’m a sucker for bow lips, probably due to genetically encoded mom instincts in me.

Ironically I started looking on the web today for the greatest American feminists. oops.

Power and privilege

January 31, 2005

I saw the Aviator tonight. I thought it was a good flick. It continues my obsession of the week with power in it’s many forms and how to get it. In some strange way the film made me feel better and reminded me that angling for power, even with all it’s serious consequences, at base, is still just a game. The real thing, the true thing, is love. It upsets hierarchies and can also be a form of power, but an unreasonable, messy one. By the way, I couldn’t find the word I was looking for to describe love, but found out the interesting etymology of the word “true” in my search.

Now I’ve got to go read what Ebert said about the Aviator.

How low can we go?

January 25, 2005

While you’re at it, check out Tom Tomorrow’s current cartoon.

The Red Pill

January 25, 2005

Speaking of movies and secret messages, I just found a website using the Matrix to introduce people to less official views about the U. S. government. I lifted these quotes from the site:

“I’ve got enough anger for ten people. I work as hard as I can, and when I can’t take it anymore, I go to the beach.”
Kevin Danaher, Global Exchange (personal communication, 2000)

“The fearsome social and global environmental crises from which we mentally flee are not unbearable additions to our already extreme weight of personal problems; they are the key, the answer to those problems.”
David Edwards. Burning All Illusions

“The peace movement is filled with anger and hatred. It cannot fulfill the path we expect from them. … That is why it is so important for us to practice meditation, to acquire the capacity to look, to see, and to understand. … Peace work means, first of all, being peace.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

“Despair is suicide of the imagination. … to voluntarily close a door that has not yet shut.”
Sam Smith, Why Bother?

“People with power are perfectly happy for the population to be cynical, because that tends to paralyze people and leads to passivity. Those same powerful people also do their best to derail critique — the process of working to understand the nature of things around us and offering judgments about them — because that tends to energize people and leads to resistance.”
Robert Jensen, “Critical Hope

“Many people feel quite unjustly discouraged and gloomy about the opportunities to do things, but there have been really remarkable victories in the last couple of years.”
Noam Chomsky (1998) from the CD, “Case Studies in Hypocrisy

Portends of Grrr…

January 25, 2005

I’ve been in a stew. My aunt said it best, “When you are sick, everything has portends of doom.” Yesterday, I talked to a school advisor who said I would probably end up working in a coffee shop, (or was it a gas station?) after hearing my professional plans. Asshole. For some reason, knowing that I was going to ignore his advice gave me the same feeling as Allison running from the cops. I felt like I stepped into another reality, without the protection afforded by following the sanctioned rules of the group. I saw my reflection in the blank TV, with my matter of fact eyes, and could see the little girl I used to be, with no respect for authority for authority’s sake, no respect for rules that didn’t make sense. I used to refuse to call adults by their last name and would call them by their first name, as they did with me. Are some of us just born that way, or is it a product of my childhood where I was inherently an outsider, so I could see with more unsocialized eyes?

I went to the library to get more videos to ease my at-home-with-the-flu boredom. I was looking for videos that would make me feel better and change my darkening world view. It’s interesting how many movies have the theme of the individual vs. the group. I checked out Cold Sassy Tree and Clueless, among others. I watched Cold Sassy Tree. The main character is trying to find a home and is shunned for her non-conformity by the townspeople. I can relate. Luckily she finds a stand up man, so she has a framework of safety around her different ness. I can relate to that too. No matter how weird you are, if you have a stand-up conformist-seeming man, you are still acceptable, not dangerous as you might be on your own. Yesterday it seemed to me that so much art, like movies and music, was made by non-conformists who were sending secret messages out to us other non-conformists telling us, “It’s alright, keep following your dreams, you can find a way, a path, no matter what the herd says.”

Seemingly paradoxically , I am finally discovering how important having a group is to me, and am learning to reach out to people when I need help. It’s a very healthy thing for me. Yesterday I could viscerally feel the safety in it, especially after watching the Net! (It’s not the video to watch when you are feeling jumpy from running from the cops, or sick.)

Update

January 23, 2005

I definitely have the flu. “Pain when you move your eyes” ??? I’ve never heard of that before. That is now my worst symptom. ick.

It started on Wednesday with a hacking cough and congested lungs. I had a fever of 101 to 102 until the middle of Saturday night, when it broke, and I woke up soaking wet.

Since I moved to a new place I have gotten about 4 or 5 colds. I usually pride myself on not getting sick and when I catch the rare cold, I boast that I can recover completely in 2 days or less. Once my roommate and I had the same cold and she was sick for 3 weeks and I got better in, yes, two days. My plan:

  • Rest immediately, don’t work through the illness, it will just prolong it.
  • Gargle with hydrogen peroxide at the first tiny tickle in your throat.
  • Start taking zinc lozenges right away- 6 a day, suck, don’t chew.
  • Eat chicken soup with cayenne pepper and raw garlic in it- enough of both that it burns your throat.
  • Mix salt with warm water and suck it up through your nose – cleans out germs and mucus.
  • Avoid cold medicines that dry you out- your body is trying to wash the virus out.
  • Drink lots of liquids, of course,
  • take Echinacea and vitamins, and
  • eat healthy, and avoid sugar.
  • Wash your hands often and disinfect surfaces you touch a lot, like doorknobs. (This is probably more for the people around you.)

It works! So, in the past, I didn’t mind getting a cold so much- I hardly ever got one, and when I did, I had an effective routine. Now that I’ve gotten 4 or 5 in one year, I’m feeling a little irritated and frustrated, and my treatment enthusiasm is waning. That protocol takes energy. I’m tired of telling people, “Sorry, I can’t, I’m sick.” I feel more inclined to work through the cold, so I don’t miss out on stuff. This weekend I would have gone on a road trip to Arizona, even with a cold, if I didn’t feel so bad that it would have been ridiculous. I missed a fun dance last night which two people invited me to, I’m going to have to foist my church job off on someone else today, and I just pray I can go to the concert I’ve been looking forward to tonight. Even typing this is a drain. This is one of the most miserable colds ever and after doing a symptom check on Web MD, I think it could be the flu. I have some of the worst symptoms of both the cold and flu.

Hope on the horizon: Web MD lists lots of ways to prevent the cold and flu, including getting a flu shot, (which I never dreamed I might do before.) Here is the one that prompted me to write today:

#5 Take a Sauna

Researchers aren’t clear about the exact role saunas play in prevention, but one 1989 German study found that people who steamed twice a week got half as many colds as those who didn’t. One theory: When you take a sauna you inhale air hotter than 80 degrees, a temperature too hot for cold and flu viruses to survive.

Hey, that sounds enjoyable! They also reccomend eating yogurt, which I used to do daily and now never do. Could that be the key variable for me? There have been so many changes in my life it’s hard to say what the real factors are in the no-cold, lots-of-colds difference. I’m going to drink some more liquids and take a hot shower. When I get better, (hopefully in time for the concert tonight… I can dream,) I’m going to eat yogurt and sit in the sauna. Meanwhile, I’m geting a shooting pain in my head when I move my eyes too far in any direction. This is beyond the scope of my treatment expertise. Any advice?

Wishing you health…

I’m supposed to be at a party, but I’m home with a chest cold. I’ve had a weird couple days, I could tell you about that.

Tuesday I sang at my first open mike, I was bumped after the comedians. A punk rock singer named Wolf asked me to dance with him during his set- I did. My foot got wrapped in the over 6-feet tall microphone that was behind us and as he was singing his grand finale, it fell past me and almost hit his head. He looked up just in time to see it and caught it as the song ended. The crowd went wild.

On Wednesday “my friend,” let’s call her “Allison,” was actually involved in a car chase. I say this to you presuming you have no law enforcement connections, or won’t be able to find out who Allison is from my blog, or you know and love me and won’t turn Allison in. So, there she was coming out of the doctor’s office, (the doctor said what a fun, yet responsible person she seems like) and she sees a parking ticket on her car. She shrugs and throws it on the passenger seat. Before she could get all the way in her car, a cop walks up to her and says that he has called a tow truck and is going to impound her car because the registration has lapsed. She tells him that she will go get it registered that day, plead, plead, beg, beg. The tow truck is driving up behind her. He says if he lets her go out of the goodness of his heart, the city will be liable. For a second, she thinks he is trying to “tell” her, secret code like, that it would be ok with him if she drives away, but that he can’t give his tacit permission. She asks, “Will you arrest me if I drive away?” He is getting worked up and says that she shouldn’t do that because she could go to jail for 7 days. Ok, no secret message. In one moment she was gauging his uniform (she should have checked for guns,) freaking out about the 7 days in jail comment, and remembering that her aunt was handcuffed, arrested and strip searched for having delinquent parking tickets. Instinct took over. She said, “I’m leaving.” She got in her car, closed and locked the door. He ran towards the back of her car waiving the tow truck driver over. His vehicle was diagonally parked in front of her car, she barely missed hitting it as she hit the gas.

To be continued…

Ps: What made her drive away from a cop? I don’t know. Maybe she has a deep seated disrespect for authority, maybe she wanted to show her solidarity with all people who are treated unfairly by the justice system, or maybe, (this is a friend’s theory) it is just the result of too many years of watching chase scenes on TV and rooting for the criminals.

Pretty cool! (There may be a few more from early childhood that I don’t remember, I’ll add them in after talking to my momm.)
Now it’s your turn! create your own visited states map!
If you leave a link to your blog in comments, I’ll check out your map!

My gosh this is a good blog!