What I don’t want

February 17, 2005

I read this ad on craigslist today. (I know, I told myself I wouldn’t read those ads anymore! It’s pre-exercise procrastination!) This woman’s ad is deliciously acerbic. (Yes, I read the women’s ads too!)

Reply to: anonymous
Date: 2005-02-17, 7:40AM PST

I have written an ad on Craigslist before. I realize now I was not specific enough about what I DON’T so here it is. (Please don’t get your feelings hurt if you don’t fit the criteria—there’s someone for everyone!)

What I don’t want.

If you are over 35, this is not the personal ad for you. . Even if you “look young for your age.” Or people “mistake you for younger.” Also if you are under 24 I am not looking for a younger man , even if you “act mature beyond your years.” No thanks.

If you still live at home, are just down on your luck, are waiting for such and such break, —maybe Godot, or even if your new band is really going to take off soon,—I don’t want to hear it. I can’t date who you plan to be. I stopped banking on someone’s potential a long time ago.

Judgmental? Lazy? Jealous? If you are not nice I am not interested. I want someone who is a good person, even when no one is looking.

If you are ugly I probably won’t be attracted to you. I am good looking, and ugly doesn’t really go with goodlooking;) Or really short, I am not short, so it just wouldn’t work out if I wore high heels. . I like guys who are good looking and tall—if you are questioning whether you are good looking or tall —you probably aren’t.. If people look away when you smile that is not a good sign either.

If the last time you were at the gym was sometime in the Clinton Admin we will not mesh. If your idea of working out is switching the channel a couple of times on a Sunday, every Sunday I won’t waste my time with you. I am looking for someone who can keep up with me in outdoor…. and INDOOR sports.

If you are in recovery I can’t deal with it. Attending weekly meetings for your addiction? If after your name you say I am a oholic anything move on… I applaud your effort for getting your life together —-but I am not looking to date you.

Dependency is so unappealing. Take anything to make you happy daily? Is your mood enhanced by one of the many doctor prescribed meds? You are not for me. I am a firm believer that life is full of ups and downs—you take both—and when you are down, do something you love, get out and move. Dependency is so unappealing.

If you have no friends or hobbies. Passionless people bore me, what will we talk about if you have nothing going on???

So that is what I want. Let’s meet for a drink and see if I am what you want.
Pic for Pic.
I look forward to reading the three emails I will receive.

Ahhh… that feels good.

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3 Responses to “What I don’t want”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    B-wood,

    That’s not a real email dont you think? She wis too honest about it all. That’s not hows it woirks, missus. You don’t sya the _really_ truth until date three when he’s getting teh crazes look in is eye.

    She sounds liek she belongs on Bacheloretta or some other such freakshow. Asisde: Didn’t the William Blake man get convicted ot the criem (I’m sure). I loved the ehtme song for his show with that cute little Coockadodletoo. I read that Rooster speak diffrent in other langauges like “kik-a-riki” in German and “coco-rico” in France.

    Nontheless, she must be real pretty if she thinks any man woudl reposnd to her drivel. Acerbic is a godo word. I say acidic. I felt some burnin when I read it. Won’t tell ya where from.

    Laters taters,

    Discerning Farmboy Still waitin to here from you

  2. Chalicechick Says:

    I’m a woman and I’m married, but were I single guy I wouldn’t get near her.

  3. Braidwood Says:

    Wow, you guys had a strong reaction to her. My bet is that if you were female, and had posted on craigslist, and had stared in disbelief at your inbox, you would be nodding your head with me and saying, “Right on, girl!” Maybe not…


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